I’m reading through the Bible slowly, stopping for the day when a verse causes me to ponder, question, provides courage or understanding for my daily tasks. 

Today I stayed for a long time in this one sentence. “And he became exhausted.” 

David, King David.

This was a story I had not ever paid attention to. A story about our David, who killed Goliath with one smooth stone and cut off his enemy’s head with the giant’s own sword, all through the power of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 

We find him here, years past the boy with the slingshot in another field, another battle we meet a David who has found himself at the end of himself.              

I’m certain, in missions, in ministry, in life, most of us can relate well to this exhausted David.

Far distant from the slain Goliath of our history, now we battle with scars, old injuries that never healed quite right and achy joints brought on by the passing of time. But time, it doesn’t bring us to peaceful fields to rest does it? Where are the still waters, the green pasture? Indeed it can seem time instead brings us to yet again, another battle with another giant. 

Once I told a group of women I was speaking to, that I mistakenly thought when I returned home from the mission field I would be removed from the fire finally, able to cool down, rest a bit. Instead, it puzzled me how it felt as if the fire was turned up after my departure from the mission field. How is it possible that the enemy attacks seem to be more now than ever? I pondered. 

Later that week, I was introduced as a “former Missionary.” The well prepared leader went on to list what God had done through our family during the eight years we served cross-culturally.

It was the word former, that caught my heart.

Once upon a time we had slain giants. We had gone to the frontline of the battle and planted a small church in an unreached community. All the stories we told, all the victories we had procured, if we failed now, even years from those victories, all of it would be wiped away. If we decided to partnered with Satan in some way it would defame all that God had done through us. There would rightfully be no more invitations to share the powerful story. The story would now be viewed through the tainted eye of skepticism. The clear waters would be muddied by sin due to the decisions we made without the Jesus we loved. 

I considered how the fire turns up when you are a former…in order to discredit the name of Jesus. The goal of our enemy has always been this.

As a director of a missionary sending agency, I often tell prospective missionaries about the fire. I let them know what I didn’t know…

“when you say Yes,” I tell them,

“It’s for a lifetime, especially if you’re willing to allow the Spirit of God to use you in ways you could never have been successful without Him.”

They look at me wide eyed, nodding in agreement the way a student somewhat understands a teacher in hopes of passing the test, but without fully absorbing the words into the heart. I suppose you have to live it first.

There is a price for slaying giants — if you live through it.

David, the teacher, the leader, the King. Would he have gone to battle again had he known it was going to humble him in such away before the eyes of his apprentices? What was different this time? The Bible only tells us, he was exhausted.

So this was David’s last battle. 

I had not read that before, or I had not paid attention. Like the students, I am guilty of reading God’s Word as if I’m just trying to pass the test, instead of absorbing the words into my heart.

Having made the choice this year to absorb each word, to read slowly and to take as long as it takes me to get to the last page, I am noticing all the beauty of the Word of God. More precious to me than years before, the timely word of God. The living word of God that is powerful and able to pierce through soul and spirit, joint and marrow and to judge the thoughts and attitudes of my heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

“Never again King David—-we don’t want your light to be put out.” 

When David’s light was about to be distinguished God provided him a way out, another man who was not so exhausted who would powerfully rescue him. This time someone else slayed the giant while David, exhausted, likely remembered all the ways God saved. Through one smooth stone driven by God to the target, and now through exhausted rescue. He saves. 

It’s the other choice we have as formers. 

We don’t have to extinguish our lights when temptation rises, we can cry out to our Savior, when the fire is high and the flesh is weak. We can see the deliverance of the Lord for HIS NAMES SAKE. 

I imagine David, carried off the battle field, looking around at all the blood covering the hands of his rescuers, above at the blue sky and within, to his own heart. 

In my weakness you are strong Oh Lord.

I close my Bible having spent just under thirty minutes pondering that one passage. 

This is to you, all the formers and all those who still are, 

We are not alone. 

Our Savior is good and we always have a way out.

For His Name’s sake.