Written By: Heather Johnson

Eight years ago I was so impatient.

I had just moved to Mongolia and couldn’t wait to start my English classes and get going with my new life.

As I’ve transitioned back, 2 weeks ago, I’m that same impatient person.

8 years older, hopefully more mature yet still struggling to be still and wait.

Even at this moment I’m waiting. While work is being done on my visa I’m stuck at home with nothing to do. And until I hire a translator, I can’t do any counseling work either. How long will I have to wait? Weeks? Months?

Can I fast-forward 6 months ahead, or one year so I can feel more settled

When my house is fully set up, my schedule set, and a routine in place?

I thought that once I arrived in Mongolia living in the moment would be easier, but unfortunately I still find the future more appealing than the present.

I can’t drive (I have a license but no car).

I’m helpless with the bus system.

I can’t speak well.

I can’t plan.

I forgot how short the shelf life of food is and had to throw away all my meat because it went bad.

I couldn’t even leave my gate for the first 10 days because the key was lost.

But

I am here.

I can be.

My heart can choose to settle

Even when nothing else feels stable.

I will hang up my paintings

Listen to music

Light a candle

Read favorite books

And breathe

When I was at camp last week I felt helpless in many ways as the only foreigner present.

One afternoon the kids were having a volleyball competition.

I had gone up to the main building to get a sweater and on my way back heard a child crying.

She was sitting alone under the canopy area bawling.

I walked over to here and asked her what was wrong.

I didn’t understand everything she was saying but the gist of it was that she was missing her family. She didn’t want to be at camp and her parents hadn’t come to see her.

Here I was trained with a master’s degree in counseling yet in that moment felt quite helpless.

All I could do was be with her.

I held her and cried with her.

I empathized with her saying, “You’re right. It’s so difficult.”

It was similar to a previous experience in Mongolia years ago

And yet this time I didn’t feel as overwhelmed

This time I knew

My presence is enough.

I couldn’t fix her problem.

I didn’t even tell her, “It’s okay” because it wasn’t

But when she had calmed down I told her:

“You are not alone.

You are strong, you are brave, you are smart.

You are loved. Don’t ever forget that.”

Even though I’ve returned to Mongolia with specialized tools

My job isn’t to fix

It’s to be present.

And now, during this awkward and uncomfortable time of transition and re-entry

Now is the time to practice being

Being

Uncomfortable

Humble

Needy

and

Present