The Art Of Being
Written By: Heather Johnson
Eight years ago I was so impatient.
I had just moved to Mongolia and couldn’t wait to start my English classes and get going with my new life.
As I’ve transitioned back, 2 weeks ago, I’m that same impatient person.
8 years older, hopefully more mature yet still struggling to be still and wait.
Even at this moment I’m waiting. While work is being done on my visa I’m stuck at home with nothing to do. And until I hire a translator, I can’t do any counseling work either. How long will I have to wait? Weeks? Months?
Can I fast-forward 6 months ahead, or one year so I can feel more settled
When my house is fully set up, my schedule set, and a routine in place?
I thought that once I arrived in Mongolia living in the moment would be easier, but unfortunately I still find the future more appealing than the present.
I can’t drive (I have a license but no car).
I’m helpless with the bus system.
I can’t speak well.
I can’t plan.
I forgot how short the shelf life of food is and had to throw away all my meat because it went bad.
I couldn’t even leave my gate for the first 10 days because the key was lost.
But
I am here.
I can be.
My heart can choose to settle
Even when nothing else feels stable.
I will hang up my paintings
Listen to music
Light a candle
Read favorite books
And breathe
When I was at camp last week I felt helpless in many ways as the only foreigner present.
One afternoon the kids were having a volleyball competition.
I had gone up to the main building to get a sweater and on my way back heard a child crying.
She was sitting alone under the canopy area bawling.
I walked over to here and asked her what was wrong.
I didn’t understand everything she was saying but the gist of it was that she was missing her family. She didn’t want to be at camp and her parents hadn’t come to see her.
Here I was trained with a master’s degree in counseling yet in that moment felt quite helpless.
All I could do was be with her.
I held her and cried with her.
I empathized with her saying, “You’re right. It’s so difficult.”
It was similar to a previous experience in Mongolia years ago
And yet this time I didn’t feel as overwhelmed
This time I knew
My presence is enough.
I couldn’t fix her problem.
I didn’t even tell her, “It’s okay” because it wasn’t
But when she had calmed down I told her:
“You are not alone.
You are strong, you are brave, you are smart.
You are loved. Don’t ever forget that.”
Even though I’ve returned to Mongolia with specialized tools
My job isn’t to fix
It’s to be present.
And now, during this awkward and uncomfortable time of transition and re-entry
Now is the time to practice being
Being
Uncomfortable
Humble
Needy
and
Present