Lie #7
Adapted, with copy right permission, from the book, The Insanity of Obedience by Nik Ripken
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Without a doubt, I’m certain that my single ministry partners in Mongolia were sick to death of my matchmaking schemes. I can feel them reading this right now and shouting “AMEN!” (You know who you are).
I tried and failed so many times it would be comical if it didn’t reflect the desperate state of affairs regarding single women who don’t feel called to be single and are serving on the mission field. I’ll spare you the details, but some of the matches I tried to make were matches I would have NEVER attempted if we were not on the field …. and that is dangerous.
Okay, one example because it’s just too good not to admit to: I distinctly remember saying, “Just try to get over the body odor… we’ll light a candle” to one of my dear sweet single missionary friends as I invited her and the poor young man, new to the mission field, over for a matchmaking dinner.
Neither of us could get over the smell… and the candle didn’t work.
The truth is, in real life, the match I was trying to make would have been an obvious no-go. But I bent the rules in this situation because, well... there were very slim pickings.
A recap picture from last week’s Lie #6 will provide, in color, the reason I was willing to try to match them up regardless of the obvious train wreck about to take place.
With this reality, we can compassionately understand why many choose to abandon the call when a really good godly guy, (who doesn’t stink) comes along.
“The struggle is often expressed in these kinds of thoughts and feelings: Does my desire and call to be married outweigh my call to the Nations? Indeed, what are godly single women to do? As noted above, the evidence is clear in suggesting that, in terms of biblical obedience ot the command to missions, single women far outnumber single men. ”
Is it wrong to want to be married?
I sure hope not.
God designed the perfect duo when He created Adam and Eve to bring out the best in one another. I’ve often reflected on that first attempt to destroy mankind in the garden. Satan knew that one godly man and one godly woman serving God together was a destructive force against evil. No wonder he immediately sought to divide them and has continued ever since.
“You can be more effective together than apart. In a truly healthy relationship, we enable each other to accomplish more than we could have done alone. This was His plan.””
This is in no way saying that single women are not tremendously effective on the mission field. In fact, what a testimony to the power of God my single missionary friends have LIVED when they made the choice of obedience over what would not only be safer but was the desire of their heart.
“We’re Getting Married!”
These three words should bring joy. However, as a missions mobilizer, these are the three words that have killed the mission more times than I care to acknowledge. The announcement is usually followed up by, “We are planning to go to the mission field together one day.”
I wish that were true. I really do. But I’ve been at this for long enough to know… it probably isn’t. There will be babies, mortgages, job promotions, health issues, and just when the kids are grown there will be parents needing care.
I wish I could say, with good conscience, “Well, then she must not have been truly called.” But I know better. I’ve sat for hours chatting, sent countless emails preparing them for the field. I knew their heart, and they were called.
But then they met a guy who wasn’t.
“It’s not (always) the case that these women resent the choice that they made and it is certainly not the case that they regret the children they have borne. What is common, however, is a deep awareness that, early on, God had worked in their hearts and affirmed His call. The Awareness reminds many of these women of the command to obedience to be salt and light to those who have little or no access to the Good News. The awareness causes them to wonder if they traded godly obedience for a husband who did not share such an understanding. ”
Awareness, not regret
To be fair, this pattern of awareness, not regret, was obvious as well for those single missionary partners I served with. They were not regretful of obedience to God but at the same time very aware of the repercussions of their choice to obey. While it was a temptation for them to lean to the comforting idea that perhaps they were called to be single, they knew in truth they were not. As good Christian friends back home married and had children, they continued to obey and wait for God to answer their prayers. I often wondered how many godly Christian men were called to go to Mongolia but disobeyed.
“In recent years, changes have been noticed. Increasing numbers of single women are embracing God’s command to go to the Nations. Though they do not feel that they are specifically called to be single, they value God’s command above all else. ”
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